Posts tagged: Radical Self Acceptance

Ah, the age-old question: Can I have what I want without being selfish? Short answer? Yes. Longer answer? Also yes, but let’s unpack it because this one’s tangled in years of social conditioning, family dynamics, and that inner voice that sounds suspiciously like your Year 3 teacher, wagging a finger.

Most of us weren’t exactly handed a “How To Know What You Want” manual growing up. In fact, many of us were gently (or not so gently) steered away from our desires altogether. Wanting things for yourself? Selfish. Needing space or rest? Inconsiderate. Asking for more than your fair share of the cake? Greedy (unless you were the one who made it, in which case you probably didn’t sit down long enough to eat any).

So, it’s no wonder we reach adulthood like emotional detectives trying to solve the case of “What Do I Actually Want?” And even when we do stumble across a genuine want or need – a day off, a solo walk, saying no without writing a 400-word explanation – we often stuff it down like a biscuit in a handbag. Because deep down, there’s this nagging, inherited belief that wanting something for yourself automatically comes at someone else’s expense.

But here’s the radical, slightly rebellious truth: responding to your own wants and needs isn’t selfish – it’s being self-aware. And knowing what you want is actually one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and for others. Because when your own cup is full (and yes, that might mean boundaries, alone time, or even two slices of cake), you’re more available, more grounded, and far less likely to lose it over someone breathing too loudly near you.

When you’re clear on what you want, you stop outsourcing your happiness to everyone else’s moods, schedules, or approval. You make clearer decisions, communicate more honestly, and show up in relationships as the real, uncensored you, not the shape-shifting people-pleaser version who says, “I’m fine!” while mentally screaming into a pillow.

Clarity about your desires makes life simpler, not messier. It’s like switching on the light in a cluttered room: suddenly you can see what’s tripping you up, what you love, and what you’re ready to let go of (goodbye to all the usual self-sacrificing obligation).

So next time you feel a flicker of desire – big or small – don’t dismiss it as selfish. Get curious. Be playful. Ask, “What if listening to myself is actually the most generous thing I can do today?” Because it just might be.

And anyway… what if the real selfish act is never discovering what you really want?

Radical Self Acceptance is not just a tool for personal transformation, it’s a game-changer in the professional world as well. I’ve seen firsthand how this powerful practice shifts our mindset, enhances our performance, and fosters success.

As a therapist and entrepreneur, I’ve observed that leaders who embrace self-acceptance are better decision-makers. Instead of being paralyzed by self-doubt or driven by fear of failure, they make confident, well-thought-out choices. They have the clarity to see opportunities and obstacles alike, and they aren’t afraid to take calculated risks.

Entrepreneurs, in particular, benefit from Radical Self Acceptance. It helps them break free from perfectionism, empowering them to take smarter risks and pursue their vision with confidence. They know that failure isn’t a reflection of their worth, it’s simply a learning experience. This mindset fosters resilience, enabling them to bounce back stronger from setbacks.

In the corporate world, the benefits of Radical Self Acceptance extend beyond individual success. Teams thrive in environments where authenticity replaces perfectionism. When employees are encouraged to bring their true selves to work, creativity flows, collaboration improves, and innovation soars. People are more willing to take risks, offer new ideas, and contribute to a culture of trust and support.

Self-acceptance also plays a crucial role in leadership development. Leaders who model authenticity and self-trust inspire their teams to do the same. They create a work environment where people feel safe to express their ideas and opinions, fostering a culture of transparency and open communication. This leads to better teamwork, more effective problem-solving, and greater collective success.

Promotions, negotiations, and career opportunities don’t just come to those who work the hardest—they come to those who show up with clarity, confidence, and self-trust. When we embrace ourselves fully, we bring our best selves to the table, attracting success and fulfillment in ways we never thought possible.

Radical Self Acceptance transforms not only our personal lives but our professional ones as well. It’s the key to unlocking greater success, creativity, and satisfaction in all that we do. By embracing who we are—flaws and all, we can step into our full potential and create lasting success in our careers.