By Claire Linley Schillaci
The Leadership Trap: Over-Striving and Its Consequences
In business, we’re taught that success comes from relentless striving, pushing harder, achieving more, and constantly improving. But what if this mindset is holding us back? What if the key to greater impact, innovation, and fulfillment isn’t striving, but Radical Self Acceptance (RSA)?
As a therapist and business consultant, I’ve worked with leaders who suffer from chronic self-doubt, perfectionism, and burnout. They chase an impossible standard, always feeling behind, never quite good enough. This is the dark side of over-striving, it keeps us trapped in comparison, erodes resilience, and stifles creativity.
The Kinder Eye: A New Leadership Lens
RSA is not about settling, it’s about leading with clarity, confidence, and authenticity. It’s about adopting what I call ‘The Kinder Eye’: the ability to see yourself with compassion, acknowledge your strengths, and accept your imperfections without judgment.
When leaders view themselves through The Kinder Eye, everything shifts. Decision-making becomes sharper, communication more effective, and relationships stronger. They stop leading from fear and start leading with purpose.
The Hidden Costs of Over-Striving
Many high achievers believe that self-criticism is a driver of success, but in reality, it’s a roadblock. It drains energy, fosters imposter syndrome, and creates a culture of insecurity within teams.
In contrast, leaders who practice RSA foster psychological safety, encouraging innovation and collaboration. Instead of micromanaging or fearing failure, they empower their teams, creating a culture where people feel valued and motivated.
The Business Case for Self-Acceptance
When leaders embody self-acceptance, the ripple effects are profound:
- Better Decision-Making – Clarity replaces hesitation, allowing for strategic, confident choices.
- Stronger Teams – Authentic leadership cultivates trust and engagement.
- Increased Innovation – When perfectionism is replaced with self-trust, creative risks become possible.
- Sustainable Success – Burnout decreases, making way for long-term performance and well-being.
Applying The Kinder Eye in Leadership
So how do you shift from over-striving to leading with The Kinder Eye? Start with these steps:
- Recognise Your Inner Critic – Notice the self-judgments that hold you back.
- Reframe Failures as Learning – Embrace setbacks as growth opportunities.
- Trust Your Strengths – Acknowledge what you do well instead of focusing on what you lack.
- Model Self Acceptance – When leaders demonstrate self-trust, teams follow suit.
- Redefine Success – Move beyond external validation and define success on your terms.
The Takeaway
RSA isn’t just personal, it’s a leadership superpower. By adopting The Kinder Eye, business leaders can foster stronger teams, make better decisions, and create cultures where people thrive.
So, ask yourself: What would change if you saw yourself through a Kinder Eye?