Can I Have What I Want Without Being Selfish?

by with No Comment Therapy

Ah, the age-old question: Can I have what I want without being selfish? Short answer? Yes. Longer answer? Also yes, but let’s unpack it because this one’s tangled in years of social conditioning, family dynamics, and that inner voice that sounds suspiciously like your Year 3 teacher, wagging a finger.

Most of us weren’t exactly handed a “How To Know What You Want” manual growing up. In fact, many of us were gently (or not so gently) steered away from our desires altogether. Wanting things for yourself? Selfish. Needing space or rest? Inconsiderate. Asking for more than your fair share of the cake? Greedy (unless you were the one who made it, in which case you probably didn’t sit down long enough to eat any).

So, it’s no wonder we reach adulthood like emotional detectives trying to solve the case of “What Do I Actually Want?” And even when we do stumble across a genuine want or need – a day off, a solo walk, saying no without writing a 400-word explanation – we often stuff it down like a biscuit in a handbag. Because deep down, there’s this nagging, inherited belief that wanting something for yourself automatically comes at someone else’s expense.

But here’s the radical, slightly rebellious truth: responding to your own wants and needs isn’t selfish – it’s being self-aware. And knowing what you want is actually one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and for others. Because when your own cup is full (and yes, that might mean boundaries, alone time, or even two slices of cake), you’re more available, more grounded, and far less likely to lose it over someone breathing too loudly near you.

When you’re clear on what you want, you stop outsourcing your happiness to everyone else’s moods, schedules, or approval. You make clearer decisions, communicate more honestly, and show up in relationships as the real, uncensored you, not the shape-shifting people-pleaser version who says, “I’m fine!” while mentally screaming into a pillow.

Clarity about your desires makes life simpler, not messier. It’s like switching on the light in a cluttered room: suddenly you can see what’s tripping you up, what you love, and what you’re ready to let go of (goodbye to all the usual self-sacrificing obligation).

So next time you feel a flicker of desire – big or small – don’t dismiss it as selfish. Get curious. Be playful. Ask, “What if listening to myself is actually the most generous thing I can do today?” Because it just might be.

And anyway… what if the real selfish act is never discovering what you really want?

EFT & the Corporate World

by with No Comment Advert

Mon 19 May 2025 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM BST – Online, Zoom

Claire Linley is an Advanced EFT Practitioner and Integrative Energy Practitioner specialising in working with individuals in high-performance roles across corporate, artistic, and sports environments.

With a background as a professional singer and years spent in network TV and Corporate Communications in Australia and the UK, Claire understands the intense pressures that arise in performance and corporate roles.

After a long struggle with throat issues, Claire finally ‘found her true voice’ through EFT and IET therapy. Now, she helps others rediscover their sense of self, and gain clarity and confidence about what they truly want for themselves.

Drawing from her own experiences and case studies, Claire discusses how EFT can help individuals overcome challenges in the corporate world, while also uncovering their true potential and what’s next for them in their personal and professional journeys.

Book here -> https://www.tickettailor.com/events/theeftcentre/1606924

Entrepreneurs, Are You Built to Last or Burn Out?

by with No Comment CoachingTherapy

As an entrepreneur, you know the road ahead will not be smooth. You anticipate uncertainty, brace for challenges, and yet you go for it anyway. Sometimes you are prepared, sometimes you are winging it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it flops.

But through all of this, what happens to you? As you push forward, navigate obstacles, and pour yourself into something bigger than you are, are you paying attention to the foundation you are building on, the one within yourself?

There is no perfect plan, no magic formula. Even the most successful founder did not have a blueprint to build on. But you do need to start as you mean to go on by managing your own well-being because this will ultimately dictate the health of your business. Ignoring fear, worry, and stress, and overriding your physical health, is like building a skyscraper on a shaky foundation.

The Silent Cost of Hustle Culture

Too many founders wear exhaustion like a badge of honour. Hustle culture has glorified long hours, sleepless nights, and sacrificing everything in the name of success. However, the nervous system does not function on ambition alone. Chronic stress rewires the brain to be in a constant state of fight or flight, making clear thinking, creativity, and sound decision-making increasingly difficult.

As a therapist, a tech startup founder I worked with, pushed through endless sleepless nights, skipping meals and social interactions to scale his business. It worked for a while. Then came the panic attacks, the brain fog, and the crushing exhaustion. His company stalled, and he had to step back for months to recover. Another client of mine built her startup with a non-negotiable self-care routine. She scheduled bi-weekly therapy sessions, took regular breaks, and delegated effectively. Her business scaled steadily, and she remained present, engaged, and clear-headed.

Founders of successful enterprises are not the ones who have it all figured out, but they are the ones willing to listen, learn, and adapt. They take care of themselves and the people around them first, and then make their business moves.

Emotional Intelligence and the Founder’s Journey

When you are building a business from the ground up, it reflects you personally and will grow as much as you do. Self-care is not just about bubble baths and yoga. It is about developing emotional intelligence, sharpening instincts, and trusting your own judgment. Founders who take time to reflect, refine their decision-making process, and regulate their emotions make sharper, more confident choices.

Entrepreneurship is an emotional rollercoaster. One moment you are celebrating a huge win, and the next, you are dealing with an unexpected setback. How you navigate these fluctuations determines your resilience. EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), also known as tapping, is a powerful tool for processing emotional stress. By addressing limiting beliefs, fear of failure, and past emotional wounds, EFT can help founders create a mental environment that supports sustainable success.

Similarly, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and Hypnotherapy allow founders to reframe their mindset, shifting from fear-based thinking to a solutions-focused perspective. When stress hits, instead of spiralling into self-doubt, these techniques can help you develop empowering beliefs and break free from negative thought loops.

The Warning Signs of Burnout

The warning signs of burnout are easy to ignore at first. You wake up already feeling exhausted. Every minor setback feels like a crisis. You are irritable or disconnected from your team. You cannot switch off even when you try. Your physical health declines – poor sleep, headaches, stress weight gain or loss.

If you are experiencing these, it is time to prioritise your well-being before your business suffers the consequences. Burnout is not a failure of discipline or a lack of passion. It is your nervous system screaming for regulation. Regular practices such as mindfulness, breathing techniques, guided meditation, and EFT, NLP and Hypnotherapy can help reduce cortisol levels and bring you back to a state of balance.

Building a Founder’s Self-Care Toolkit

Business growth is mostly about you and who you become along the way. The commitment it takes to create something bigger than yourself is proportionate to your own development. Building your own skyscraper of a business is about basing your strategy and decisions on the trust you have developed in yourself and your own innate knowing. From this kind of secure foundation, you can confront self-doubt, overcome obstacles, and build a big vision with confidence.

Most founders resist setting boundaries, convinced that every minute spent away from the business is a missed opportunity. But without clear work hours and time to reset, burnout is inevitable. Regulating your nervous system can prevent stress overload and help you think more clearly. Delegating and automating will allow you to focus on what truly moves the business forward rather than getting caught up in the day-to-day grind. Finding a support system, whether through founder communities, groups or professional coaching, can provide perspective, accountability, and much-needed encouragement.

Many founders wear every hat in their business. They end up doing everything except being present in their own lives. The biggest mistake is waiting too long to get help. Building a strong team is important, but so is having a personal support network that understands the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. Letting go of the idea that you have to figure it all out yourself is one of the smartest moves you can make.

Alignment: The Ultimate Competitive Edge

One of the biggest growth areas for founders and corporate leaders today is incorporating energy psychology techniques (EFT / NLP / Hypnotherapy) that create real, practical shifts. Mental and emotional health is not a nice-to-have any more, it is essential. The right support is not just about productivity, it is about alignment. And when you are aligned, everything changes, from how you make decisions and how you lead, to how you live.

So, the real question is: are you building on shaky foundations? Or are you willing to invest in the inner work that makes success sustainable for both you and your business?

Claire Linley brings vital insights into the often-overlooked topic of mental health for entrepreneurs. As an accredited therapist with deep experience in the startup world, Claire advocates for a more holistic approach, urging accelerators and coaching programs to prioritize founders’ well-being alongside business growth. Her work serves as a timely reminder that the success of a startup is not just about financials or scaling but about ensuring the mental health of those leading the charge.

www.clairelinley.com

The Professional Benefits of Radical Self Acceptance

by with No Comment Therapy

Radical Self Acceptance is not just a tool for personal transformation, it’s a game-changer in the professional world as well. I’ve seen firsthand how this powerful practice shifts our mindset, enhances our performance, and fosters success.

As a therapist and entrepreneur, I’ve observed that leaders who embrace self-acceptance are better decision-makers. Instead of being paralyzed by self-doubt or driven by fear of failure, they make confident, well-thought-out choices. They have the clarity to see opportunities and obstacles alike, and they aren’t afraid to take calculated risks.

Entrepreneurs, in particular, benefit from Radical Self Acceptance. It helps them break free from perfectionism, empowering them to take smarter risks and pursue their vision with confidence. They know that failure isn’t a reflection of their worth, it’s simply a learning experience. This mindset fosters resilience, enabling them to bounce back stronger from setbacks.

In the corporate world, the benefits of Radical Self Acceptance extend beyond individual success. Teams thrive in environments where authenticity replaces perfectionism. When employees are encouraged to bring their true selves to work, creativity flows, collaboration improves, and innovation soars. People are more willing to take risks, offer new ideas, and contribute to a culture of trust and support.

Self-acceptance also plays a crucial role in leadership development. Leaders who model authenticity and self-trust inspire their teams to do the same. They create a work environment where people feel safe to express their ideas and opinions, fostering a culture of transparency and open communication. This leads to better teamwork, more effective problem-solving, and greater collective success.

Promotions, negotiations, and career opportunities don’t just come to those who work the hardest—they come to those who show up with clarity, confidence, and self-trust. When we embrace ourselves fully, we bring our best selves to the table, attracting success and fulfillment in ways we never thought possible.

Radical Self Acceptance transforms not only our personal lives but our professional ones as well. It’s the key to unlocking greater success, creativity, and satisfaction in all that we do. By embracing who we are—flaws and all, we can step into our full potential and create lasting success in our careers.

The Kinder Eye: Radical Self Acceptance for Business Leaders

by with No Comment Uncategorized

By Claire Linley Schillaci

The Leadership Trap: Over-Striving and Its Consequences

In business, we’re taught that success comes from relentless striving, pushing harder, achieving more, and constantly improving. But what if this mindset is holding us back? What if the key to greater impact, innovation, and fulfillment isn’t striving, but Radical Self Acceptance (RSA)?

As a therapist and business consultant, I’ve worked with leaders who suffer from chronic self-doubt, perfectionism, and burnout. They chase an impossible standard, always feeling behind, never quite good enough. This is the dark side of over-striving, it keeps us trapped in comparison, erodes resilience, and stifles creativity.

The Kinder Eye: A New Leadership Lens

RSA is not about settling, it’s about leading with clarity, confidence, and authenticity. It’s about adopting what I call ‘The Kinder Eye’: the ability to see yourself with compassion, acknowledge your strengths, and accept your imperfections without judgment.

When leaders view themselves through The Kinder Eye, everything shifts. Decision-making becomes sharper, communication more effective, and relationships stronger. They stop leading from fear and start leading with purpose.

The Hidden Costs of Over-Striving

Many high achievers believe that self-criticism is a driver of success, but in reality, it’s a roadblock. It drains energy, fosters imposter syndrome, and creates a culture of insecurity within teams.

In contrast, leaders who practice RSA foster psychological safety, encouraging innovation and collaboration. Instead of micromanaging or fearing failure, they empower their teams, creating a culture where people feel valued and motivated.

The Business Case for Self-Acceptance

When leaders embody self-acceptance, the ripple effects are profound:

  • Better Decision-Making – Clarity replaces hesitation, allowing for strategic, confident choices.
  • Stronger Teams – Authentic leadership cultivates trust and engagement.
  • Increased Innovation – When perfectionism is replaced with self-trust, creative risks become possible.
  • Sustainable Success – Burnout decreases, making way for long-term performance and well-being.

Applying The Kinder Eye in Leadership

So how do you shift from over-striving to leading with The Kinder Eye? Start with these steps:

  1. Recognise Your Inner Critic – Notice the self-judgments that hold you back.
  2. Reframe Failures as Learning – Embrace setbacks as growth opportunities.
  3. Trust Your Strengths – Acknowledge what you do well instead of focusing on what you lack.
  4. Model Self Acceptance – When leaders demonstrate self-trust, teams follow suit.
  5. Redefine Success – Move beyond external validation and define success on your terms.

The Takeaway

RSA isn’t just personal, it’s a leadership superpower. By adopting The Kinder Eye, business leaders can foster stronger teams, make better decisions, and create cultures where people thrive.

So, ask yourself: What would change if you saw yourself through a Kinder Eye?