Gatekeepers, why are there so many?

I don’t know about you, but my life has been full of gatekeepers.

“Claire, you did that really well, we want more of that from you.”

So, because they’ve asked and I want to contribute, I do more of ‘that’, hone my skills and proceed to do it REALLY well.

The response….-

“Thanks, Claire, we don’t need you at the moment. We’ll call you back when we do.”

Huh? What just happened?

What I didn’t know about was the private conversation that took place: “Oh crap! She does that TOO well and now she’s showing me/us up. She’s going to take our place. We can’t let that happen.”

And little ol me, for decades, just smiled through my utter confusion at their behaviour, nodded politely and waited patiently until they called back. Generally, they did call, but a long time later, and only after they’d worked with everybody else, found them lacking and then reluctantly let me back into the fold for a few rare moments at a time.

What happened? The Gatekeepers!

Gatekeepers live their lives in a state of arse-covering. Involving people smarter than themselves to make themselves look better, then running at the first sniff of being shown up.

Often the people they’ve brought in are nice people, like me. Nice and obliging and not there because of ego but purely to work hard, do a good job and contribute to the greater good.

Gatekeepers are ruled by pathological jealousy.

Pathological jealousy is irrational, compulsive and somehow very much alive and well in the corporate arena, but really, it’s rife everywhere.

Think of how many times you’ve received a compliment only for it to not actually feel genuine? How many times has your already stellar work been taken in hand to be ‘improved’, when you absolutely know it already hits the target? Somebody else gets the job when you know they are less suited than you.

I worked on network television for a long time and nowhere is there a better, or more obvious example, of pathological jealousy. It’s all about ego in that arena and people are hired and fired, promoted and passed over, for what are outwardly illogical reasons. Lots of arses being covered there! And way too many gatekeepers! But somehow, it’s expected in that environment and when you work there you know you are fair game, and that you will have to deal with your share of gatekeepers whilst keeping a smile firmly on your face.

Gatekeepers though are a serious business. At a personal level, they erode confidence and undermine natural ability.

Until you work out that you’ve been their target, your trajectory is slowed, sometimes stalled, You can find yourself working way too hard for way too long, somehow feeling like you’re still falling short; caught in an endless cycle of proving yourself to people who will never acknowledge that you’ve done enough.

But once you get it…..really get it that you’ve been gas-lit, manipulated, intimidated, put-down, ridiculed, laughed-at, undermined, or just simply ignored and passed over, then and only then, can you start to reverse the damage they’ve done.

Where to start?

I started with imagining each of the situations where I felt uncomfortable during my working life and then reframed each of those moments as they really took place — with the other person realising I was doing a good job and them fearful of what that meant to them.

I imagined those private conversations where they decided to cover their own arse which meant exposing mine.

And I took note of how much time I spent stalled while waiting for something that was never going to come even though it had been promised.

I imagined where my life might have gone if I’d realised then what I know now and had ignored the Gatekeeper and taken charge of my own destiny.

I then acknowledged that I had done nothing to deserve those missed opportunities, and the deliberate overlooking of my talent and hard work. And from this tallying up I built a new picture, of myself as I truly am — an intelligent, accomplished, broadly skilled, adaptable, cooperative, hard-working, decent woman.

Recognising those moments, when I could have been championed but was instead sidelined, has been enormously beneficial for me. It has made sense of why I have always worked too hard, why I’ve tried to prove too much, often contributed more than my fair share. And equally why I’ve also accepted limited recognition and advancement and being paid too little.

I’ve been a soldier, when in fact I have the skills to lead. I’ve behaved like a workhorse rather than a wild bronco. I’ve stood in the shade instead of basking in the sun.

This is not about blame. This is about understanding one of my greatest challenges in life. It’s good to make sense of this and to fairly apportion ownership to those Gatekeepers, rather than carry an unfair load myself.

There is liberation here and importantly a very clear idea of how to spot the next Gatekeeper that crosses my path!